As a part of our uneasiness towards change, we tend to resist anything that feels uncomfortable, scary, different and new. We tend to play small even, to resist being seen and evaluated. To resist the unknown.
Surrendering means not giving a crap about the outcome, about the change, the uncertain parts of tomorrow. It is the bold release of control. The bold and brave release of the comfort zone. Comfort is overrated and will trap us in mediocracy.
We so want to control everything. I wanted to control not only my life but those around me, meaning how they acted, what they did, when and how. Not that I would ever commit to that, but I did. Chasing outcomes, pleasing at every corner, hanging on to everything that would keep me from surrendering. I even wanted to get healthy MY way. When I it pleased me, how it manifested, all of it. Preferably tomorrow. I wanted my diseases to vanish NOW, and I hang on to that energy for years.
Going from surviving to thriving, from Hell to inspired taught me this more than anything: The art of surrendering.
To a control freak, a pleaser, the achiever that seeks acknowledgement and validation from an outside source, surrendering is the Devil. The worst-case scenario at best, and the whole concept feels weak and wimpy. Surrendering, like I would ever. I would rather fight until forever than give up and surrender. Until I realized what surrendering is. The profound energy of going with the divine flow, trusting the grand empowered being that I am. That we all are.
Surrendering means to stop fighting and resisting life and its natural rhythm. Paddling upstream is so hard, exhausting and draining. It kills our creativity and enthusiasm, passion and purpose. I was so absorbed in my healing and how it was going to unfold, I missed my own boat so to speak. For several years. Hanging on to my ideas and my knowledge, banging on those closed doors. It took my entire life force just to stay afloat.
Life becomes nothing but a struggle, and every little rock looks like a mountain. Everything becomes a chore, something to overcome and get right. A journey that is created from fear and resistance, is a hard one. I know. You can never rest, constantly having to be focused on keeping yourself afloat, alive.
Until you stop. Not give up, just stop.
Surrendering is about letting go of the paddling, letting yourself be carried downstream. Not in weakness or disempowerment, but in trust and confidence. The moment you let those oars go, your life automatically shifts. You still have to steer but you can now enjoy the scenery. You are able to look ahead, and to rest when you need to. You have extra energy and life looks brighter. When you are heading downstream you are always on the right path. You can trust life.
Surrendering is a conscious choice, a strength:
The key is to accept what is, to recognize that which is here in this moment. Having faith is a large part of letting go of control, and surrender. For me, surrendering was the ultimate game-changer. I realized I would rather die than live the life I was living. I surrendered to everything. I accepted that I was crazy sick and allowed nature and spirit to guide me back to my innate wisdom and heal. Resisting what is will only create more pain. Allowing truth to come forth will lead you on a path of growth and health, even when you might not see it.
What if everything got screwed up, and nothing went according to our plan and desires? The thing is, it might unfold in such a grand way, we cannot see this possibility even. It is out of our perception. All we can see is that which resembles something we have created in our mind from an experience, something we have read, seen or heard of. That is it. Our imagination comes from experience. So you see, by trying to direct the outcome, we are limiting ourselves, and resisting grandness.
Letting go of any outcome through complete surrendering is a process that has many layers. By constantly doing better, you will keep recognizing new levels of fear based controlling behavior within yourself.
I believe that as we peel these layers, we have to face what we fear the most, – the fear of dying. I believe that our fear of death, is holding us back from completely surrendering to life.
For me, everything shifted the day I surrendered to life and death. I was so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was so tired of struggling, trying to get well I was so drained by trying to figure everything out, to want my health so badly, I was exhausted. I had invested my whole existence on the outcome, and I was holding on to it for my dear life. I had to get healthy, I just had to. What would happen if didn`t? I would most likely die. As much as I loved life, I surrendered and said; You know what? That is fine, death it ok. I am going to do my very best, every single day. I am going to love the life that I have been given. I am going to keep my focus on healing, without it having to happen in a certain way, at a certain time, or as I see it, not at all.
By stating; Show me the way, I was letting go of control. I could relax and know that it would all evolve perfectly, and boy did it ever!
We have been conditioned to be seekers. Always looking for the good life. As if there is a destination and a pot of gold waiting at the end of the rainbow, we continue to search for this so called good life. Happiness has become something the modern world residents have as an ultimate life-goal. Everything we do and want is connected to this outer search. Happiness shall come through something we find, become or accomplish. From the lack of trust in ourselves and life, we have become restless seekers of everything we believe we lack or miss within ourselves.
The thing is, we lack nothing. We are not missing a link, or a single cell. We are whole, as humans, here to explore and to enjoy the ride. Nothing messes up a fun and educational ride, like trying to hang on to the past or present situation. When we spend our time clinging to an outcome, trying to control it, we miss the ride itself. Nothing stays the same, but for now, the sun raises every morning. Have faith in that, yourself and the fact that no matter what happens, you did your very best.
To the work you own the right, but not to the results thereof. – First Tenant of Karma Yoga
How to surrender to your life:
By practicing different meditations and stillness techniques, journaling and mindfulness, you can work on your ability to walk lighter and more fluent through life. The less you hold on to, the lighter your steps will be. The less you are occupied with an outcome, the more capable you will be to expand your perspective. We have been deceived by our life long conditioning. We have been falsely led to believe that the more we think the smarter we get. Our brain has been highly overrated, and we are doing ourselves a great disservice by believing we can think our way through life.
- Meditate: Sit or lay in a comfortable position and focus on your breath. Simply breathe and let your mind wander. It doesn`t matter of you are an experienced meditator, or a freshman, all you have to do is to be still. When you work on surrendering, work on being nothing. You, breath, and that`s it. When the mind comes in, let it pass by. Let every thought become insignificant. Pay as little attention to it as you can. Let it drift past you until you find stillness. If you feel you wander into a thought, pull yourself back and connect with your breath. Don`t get attached to anything. Just flow and breathe. This is a great practice to let go of your mind and control freak tendencies.
- Compassionate writing and living: Gift yourself a new journal for this purpose only. Set aside ten minutes every day to write and contemplate. Shift your focus from your life, to that of others. Write about what you would like to contribute to this world. What would you want to do to change other peoples lived for the better? Imagine what that would look like. Write about how their suffering would end, and how the world would look if your visions came true. This is a focus exercise to shift from you to that around you. Once we step outside of our own little lives, we detach from our constant self-focus and therefor control. See how you wish everyone to be happy. Not only yourself. By seeing that we are all dependent on each other, we get less attached and more at ease. Walk through your day with a compassionate heart for everyone. Send out live and open your heart.
- Observe and expand: By stepping out of the constant thinking mode, we can observe more. By detaching from the drama in our lives and any current situation, we can more easily see a larger picture. Life is so much grander and colorful than what meets the eye. By pulling back from our daily and weekly situation, the details become less obvious. Notice how your focus on the little things become less important as you expand your vision. Desires and aversions, our typical narrow focus will fade as we expand. Look at every moment as something valuable for all that it is. See how life is larger than yourself. See how you are blessed to be a part of this creation. Spend some time every day to just observe and be grateful. Life is larger than anything you or me can control.
- Accept everything: To be able to fully surrender to the outcome, we must first accept what is. By meditating and expanding, you are already practicing acceptant living, but perhaps not in the way that you think. You are accepting that your life is a part of everybody else`s. Your current situation might not be ideal, but it`s yours, and it is where your potentials lie. Love everything about it. Explore the situation and know that it is changing from moment to moment. Not through force, but through growth and awareness. Be at peace with what is. Be at peace with your own situation. Walk forward in faith.
“If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” ~Proverb