“Please God, take me. End this suffering. I am done. No more of this. No more of anything. I am done.”
Like it was yesterday, I remember the first day I wanted to die, and meant it.
The despair, the feeling of being so utterly lost and frustrated that the only way out was to let this moment be the ending. The definite end of my life. It was the first of many days like this, a string of minutes, hours and days where my whole being cried for relief.
I was too sick to miss much of my regular life. I was disconnected from the world. I didn`t miss any of it, it seemed too distant.
The family barely came to see me, and when they did, they would sit downstairs in the living room.
Friends stopped inviting us to events, and none of them came knocking at our door.
From living a life filled with traveling, running my own business, being the center of the party, being the happy, energetic mother, sister, daughter, friend, and wife, I became nothing. From being an athletic high heal badass do-it-all for everybody, I became nothing.
Not to them, not to me. That was my truth.
The Rheumatoid Arthritis, Lyme, ulcers and anxiety had me choking on my own life.
It was like the outside disappeared.
Everything became silent.
My phone stopped ringing, and I resided in a bubble of pain and loneliness. Reading on the Internet, praying, crying and raging.
I became my emotions, the anger.
I felt hopeless and helpless.
I questioned everything.
I no longer believed in the medical doctors and their training.
I no longer had any hope of recovery. According to the ones that I had put my faith in, there was nothing that could be done to regain my health. Only a life where medication and pain, deformities and disabilities would reign.
I was on my own.
“Dear God, please help me. Show me the way to health, please show me the way. I am ready for complete healing. I am ready.”
I wanted to die, I wanted to be released from my earthly expectations and life. I wanted to move on, to set myself free. I felt trapped, and I wanted to fly. I cried for days on end. Cried for my pain, but also for the whole world. I was crying for all of us that were suffering.
And then everything changed.
Or so it felt.
I realized I had to let go of absolutely everything.
and most of all my Ego.
You see, breaking free from the paradigm that holds us locked in victimhood, dis-ease, fear and suffering will set us free.
Free to change.
And I did.
I walked the other way, towards life, health, nature, joy, and enthusiasm.
I said realized I was not a victim, only the solution.
It was within ME!
It all started with this MRI of my feet coming back with a clear message: They found arthritic changes. This changed everything, and fast. Blood tests were ordered left and right. The nightmare was about to start. In the meantime, my hands were swelling, and my overall health was to the point of me having NO life. I became a full-time sick-person, waiting for test results, sitting outside laboratories and in waiting rooms. Then, they found what they had been looking for.
After having lived for 20 years with ulcers things had been escalating lately.
NOW everything changed.
“You have a serious autoimmune condition and will never get well again”. was the message.
Unaffected, my Doctor looks at me and tells me;
“You will have to be medicated for the rest of your life, and will need more aids to take care of yourself as the years go by,” she continues; “Do NOT worry, we have great surgeons today, and a number of medications we can put you on to delay the deformation of your joints. There are some new drugs that are very promising. You are young, and you need to get on them right away!”
So, the diagnosis was clear. I felt death enter.
At this point, I had arthritis in my feet, toes, knees, hips, fingers, elbows, jaw, ankles, heels, wrists, shoulders, and neck.
Severe seropositive rheumatoid arthritis.
The bloodwork was through the roof, and I was finally declared very sick.
To the point where they gave me prednisone IV,
chemo drugs, and immune suppressant drugs like Enbrel.
To suppress the severe symptoms.
The road to HELL became a reality.
You see, I followed the path of chemicals to the point where I was no longer ME. The inflammation was down on the cost of new symptoms. Desperately seeking to feel better when all my trusted authority would tell me was:
“YOU can never get well again. Ever.”
I felt doomed.
I WAS doomed.
To the point where I had to make a choice.
And I did. I decided I would rather die than live in this prison of pain and suffering. Filled with chemicals for one symptom, creating another one.
I know, strong words, but I meant it.
Anxiety and depression, feeding my imbalances.
Like throwing gasoline on a fire.
My body was screaming for help and I was asking it to shut up.
Stopping it from reacting naturally to its situation.
So, finally, this one day, 12 years ago, after having been heavily medicated for 4 years, I decided I was done. I was done being sick, and I was done struggling. I was so filled up on medications, hospital visits, anxiety, and pain, that I decided to just stop. The diagnoses of severe Rheumatoid Arthritis several years before had kept me heavily medicated as it was a “severe” case. I was also diagnosed with Lyme disease at this point.
You see, the medical society tells you, you will be sick the rest of your life, and that medications will help you live as “normal” as possible. What they don’t tell you, is another story. I have found that what don’t know really CAN hurt you.
Well, this one day 12 years ago, I had had enough.
I remember thinking – “I will stop all medications and just lay here until I get well or die.”
I really did not care which, as long as what I was experiencing stopped.
From being a mother, a sister, a wife, a business owner, an athlete, and a friend, I just became sick. My world changed overnight. I was alone, and I did not know what to do to save myself.
As soon as I stopped the medications that made me very ill, I got sicker.
Now, off all my medications, my body was showing me just how sick I really was. I was so inflamed, I could not even open up my mouth, or chew any food do to the inflammation. I could not walk from my bed to the bathroom, and I could not wear regular pants due to severe swelling of needs, no shoes do to swollen inflamed feet.
A long journey started, a lonely one, filled with pain, fear, and hopelessness. Every day was a battle for survival. My heart did not beat regularly for several years. I was bedridden and could not even go to the bathroom by myself, for several years. STILL, this is a happy story, a story of hope and healing.
I often prayed that I would not wake up in the morning.
Watching your body deteriorate, and your joints slowly cripple, is a challenge for the mind, the emotions, and the soul.
This is what fueled my enthusiasm and led me to educate myself, become a Certified health and Mindset Coach, an Inspirational Speaker, and a Specialist in Raw food and Regenerative Detoxification. What allowed me to allow CHANGE into my life through my amazing Mentors and teachers. Like Dr. Morse, Bruce Lipton, Greg Braden and many, many more.
As I look back, I can see the true gift in my own journey from barely surviving to THRIVING. I made a choice, and I followed my inner guidance.
“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”
So, looking back, 12 years later,
my heart is beating perfectly,
the anxiety is gone.
My digestion is back to normal after 20 years of ulcers,
and my skin looks better than it has in years.
I sleep at night, I can walk in nature, and my heart beats in a perfect rhythm.
I have more energy than I know what to do with and I have not taken one single drug after that day 12 years ago, except what was given to me during my emergency surgery after an accident where my leg were torn in two pieces about 3 years ago.
My enthusiasm and drive come from natures natural foods. I am also sick and tired of seeing so many people out there being sick and tired when I KNOW how to help YOU get better.
If you know someone who needs to change and THRIVE, please let them know there is always hope.
(Make sure you watch my latest WEBINAR HERE! )
NEVER let anybody tell you anything not aligned with your highest potential. Not your family, friends, NOBODY!
One day soon, I will write down my whole journey and protocol, but for now, just celebrating life as it IS. This has been my biggest gift, and I would not be without this journey.
I have awakened and found my inner balance.
I have found joy and appreciation, for all of creation.
I have learned to love myself.
I am letting go of everything that does not serve me.
I am no longer part of the illusion of drama or pain.
The NOW moment is where the magic is, and for those of you that struggle with health issues, KNOW that it is in your hands to change.
Your body is made to be healthy, it is what it is designed to be. It is all vibration, and it is all connected.
Stop poisoning it and start to nurture it. Change your thoughts, and your emotions will follow. Clear out the toxins from your body, and the mind will clear, your vibration will raise, and your consciousness will rise.
Align your focus with the solution, not with the problem!
Speak what you want and expect it to happen. BE the change you want to see and love yourself the whole way there. Nobody is perfect, in fact, perfect is an illusion, it does not exist.
YOU are the perfect YOU!
I want one thing to be clear:
Autoimmune does NOT exist. Not in the way you might think.
The body is NOT attacking itself it is responding to what is going on in your body.
Looking back I can see how lost I was in my lifestyle, y conditioning and my belief system.
Feeling powerless where I had the power to change everything.
Eating what they fed me at the hospital, that looked like what I believed was real food.
Feeding the illness.
Smoking, drinking alcohol.
Being a diet coke addict.
Raised on dairy, meat, and potatoes.
And now this:
There is something called autoimmune diseases, which means the body is attaching itself.
yeah, more crap.
You see, this is a lie that will keep you from taking charge, so don’t fall for it.
KNOW that your body is always responding to something, trying its very best to always do what it is designed to do:
24/7 THAT is its main job, after keeping you alive.
Functioning like the perfection that it is.
Repairing and restoring.
Cleansing and regenerating.
The simple tasks that start with digestion, utilization, and elimination, and THIS is where the key is.
Once we step away from intoxicating ourselves, to allowing the body to do ITS job, magic happens.
Not like a quick fix,
but through hard work, persistence and diligence
Always in faith and good spirit.
Like the GIFT it is.
Through 12 years of walking my own journey, my experiences, my gathering of information and studying I found the sum of what I see as the easiest way to help the body restore from these so-called autoimmune conditions.
And from working with clients the last 6 years, I have found even deeper knowledge about the human mind and conditioning.
The simple keys to unlocking our resistance.
For me, it was a long and deep transformational journey, and you read the full story in my book: From Hell to Inspired.
I walked away from the Lymes, the ulcers, anxiety, depression, RA, and chronic pain.
Proved them ALL wrong.
So, if you are the one struggling, still believing you can never be healthy again, don’t fall for it.
Change your diet,
change your mindset,
change your habits.
You can always START HERE!
Health/Mindset Coach/Author/Speaker/Detox Specialist/Life-Enthusiast